I honestly don’t know why we glorify this man. I’m pretty sure the reason he only rears his head once a year is because he knows if he joined the rest of society, he would end up behind bars in no time. Here are five reasons why Santa is awful.
1. He’s perverse
You’re telling me there’s a grown man living incognito who busies himself staring at kids throughout the year? “He sees you when your sleeping, he knows when you’re awake!” What! How sick and twisted is that? Santa is insane and I want nothing to do with him.
2. He’s absolutely terrifying
We all know the 24th December is Santa’s busiest time of year, however, he also can turn up unannounced on any given day and scare the living daylights out of you.
He once decided to visit my nursery on the last day of term. Apparently he’d been in touch with my teachers so we all knew he would be visiting that day but he failed to specify the hour. So little 3-year-old me spent the whole day having heart palpitations and almost soiled my knickers when I heard his sleigh land on the roof (to this day, I don’t know how they made that sound or whose stupid idea it was in the first place). He did come bringing gifts but do you think I collected mine? I was way too shook. There were definitely tears and I’m still traumatised by the whole experience.
3. He’s an enforcer
Who gave Santa absolute power to determine whether we’ve been bad or good? That’s what I want to know. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to the actualisation that I can’t spend 364 days of the year wondering if I live up to the moral standards of someone I hardly know. I have to live my life for me and do what is right because it’s right, not just so I can benefit from it. What kind of human being would I be then? And if Santa doesn’t agree, well, then I’ll show him where he can shove his lump of coal. For free.
Santa. Love him or loathe him. Let me know in the comments!
4. He advocates poor hygiene
My man has been wearing the same clothes for centuries. And he’s supposed to be a role model for children who are yet to reach puberty! What kind of example does that set? Imagine your teenager telling you he doesn’t have to change out of his clothes after school because ‘Santa doesn’t.’ What’s your comeback?
5. He’s a Capitalist Pig
Santa works for one evening a year.
What’s he doing the rest of the time? He owns a factory full of underage slaves who work tirelessly throughout the year with only one evening off. They have no idea they’re being exploited because they have no access to the outside world. What a despicable human being.
And the worst thing is we are fully aware of his behaviour but still allow this cretin into our homes, and even feed him! Worse still, we are complicit in his crimes when we encourage our children to write letters to him requesting more stuff to be made. Who’s making all that stuff and under what conditions? Whatever happened to Elf Rights?
It’s an outrage and Santa must be stopped. I’m confident that this article will raise awareness about this topic so we can stop applying double standards when it comes to Santa. It’s not fair that we turn a blind eye to the wrong Santa does just because he brings us gifts.
I hope you have a very merry and Santa-less Christmas this year! Helen x