Happy February lovelies! I don’t know how it was for you but January literally zoomed by me. In a ploy to be more focused and organised, I’m gonna be focusing on all things relationships this month and attempting to find topics that you actually find engaging.
So I’m kicking off with this interview with my husband, Massimo, who I realised I never asked how he feels about my natural hair. Ultimately, it is my hair and my decision about what I do with it but I thought it would be interesting to find out what he really thinks about it, as he’s actually on this natural hair journey with me. It turned out to be an intriguing discussion and so I’ve had to split the interview into three parts, with more juicy questions as it goes on – so make sure you return to read them all!
Have you guys ever considered asking your significant others what they think about your natural hair journey? If not, maybe you can ask them some of these questions and see what they think! Let me know in the comments section below if you do!
H: What do you love about short hair?
M: One thing I love about short hair is… because I find that long hair is the typical kind of definition of female beauty, it makes short hair appear that much more rebellious, that much more edgy. As a result, it’s really counter-cultural and I find that attractive. A lot of the time it allows the woman’s facial features to be even more evident. Obviously if you’ve not got a mashed up head…
H: Before I big chopped (BC’d), what was your perception of women with natural hair?
M: Part of my early thinking actually embarrasses me a little bit when I think about it now. Part of my perception of women with natural hair, obviously me not having an understanding of it really, I kind of thought these people were either not really taking care of themselves or that they were really ‘pro black’ so they were trying to make a statement. That was before I realised the amount of care that’s required to actually look after our natural hair.
M: I’ve grown up with afro hair on my head (obviously not now) so I knew that it wasn’t the easiest to take care of. Any issues I had were quickly solved at the barbers but I didn’t realise the intricacies and delicateness required for the process and errm… since then my perception’s changed. Before, I used to put it down to a bit of laziness, a bit of slackness and not really trying to look good. In my head, looking after themselves was getting a ‘proper hairstyle‘ like a weave, extensions or relaxers or something.
H: What did you imagine my natural hair would look like?
M: To be honest I had no clue what to expect. Because I didn’t know much about this natural hair ‘movement,’ this natural hair ‘journey’ until you went on it. My expectations were nought, I just thought… my wife’s gonna do what she wants to do anyway, that’s the kind of person she is and I’ll just have to put up with it. You know, I’m gonna have to endure this ride alongside her.
H: Does that mean that you didn’t think it would look nice?
I wasn’t sure. Because I find you really beautiful and you typify African beauty, I thought it could look nice but I also wasn’t sure. I don’t think I was put at ease by the way you said your grandma made fun of your head shape. I thought to myself ‘well if Helen’s head shape is as mad as her grandma makes out then this could be a whole heap of mess.’
H: Has my hair met those expectations?
M: When you first cut your hair I thought it looked incredible! I thought it looked sick! Definitely up there with one of the best hairstyles that you’ve ever had. And obviously there was a period of time when your hair started to grow and where I was like ‘I’m not sure of where this is going’ but obviously that was because of me. That was when I tried to cut your hair and messed it up so I was like this doesn’t look very nice right now and this is at the work of my own hands.
M: Then you had those experiences in the barbers where your hair was looking fresh but was also looking a bit masculine and it was just a little bit weird alongside your feminine figure and feminine features. It was a bit strange but I still thought you rocked it. And as your hair has started to grow, it’s exceeded my expectations because as I said I didn’t have any so that was an easy enough job to do.
H: What went through your mind when you entered the car and saw that I had chopped off all my hair?
M: So growing up, one of my biggest female crushes was Eve. So when I saw you, all sorts of my lyrics were coming into my head. I was like ‘I got my own bad b!’ But yeah I thought you looked sick and I also felt really proud because it’s a bold bald step which a lot of women hesitate to take. For me, it was just another moment where I was like this woman is just a pioneer, she’s her own person. And also you were wearing a bardot top, your figure was looking especially shapely that day so I was like ‘this girl looks beautiful man, this girl looks hot’ so I was happy!
H: Were you more/less attracted to me after I BC’d? Why?
M: So as I mentioned earlier on, I was at the beginning when it was newly done. When I trimmed your hair, that was not great but also there was a period of time when your hair was short but you would wear baggy shirts and fitted jeans. For me, I felt you looked a bit more masculine so I guess that was a period of time where I didn’t feel immediate attraction looking at you all the time. For me, personally, in my eyes, I didn’t feel like the short hair and baggy clothes was as attractive as other styles. FOR ME! Each to their own! I think it’s cool but I don’t personally find it sexy.
M: As your hair started to grow and you got those side partings and low fades, then I thought you looked really edgy and cool and the attraction was up again.
H: Were you ever unattracted to me during my BC journey? Anything between when I first cut my hair off and now.
M: I was never unattracted to you but there were phases when I wasn’t as attracted to you as others. I’ve already mentioned when you had the dead trim, that’s definitely one but there were other styles too. When you had the really small afro, I think you looked a little bit awkward. Wasn’t particularly sexy in my eyes. And was a really hard one to pull off. It’s not a question of me not being unattracted to you because I always have been but I found that was definitely my least favoured style. But obviously you had to transition from the trims to the afro and that phase in between is quite awkward.
M: Part of the reason why is because I felt you felt that as well. You were rocking your hair with less confidence in that phase, I feel, than you were either side of it. So if you’re not feeling as confident in your attractiveness then I’m not feeling as drawn to you.
H: Yeah, I definitely agree.
H: Could you ever tell when I was insecure about my hair? I know you’ve answered some of it in the previous question already.
Yeah. I could tell when you were not sure of what to wear. There was a conversation when you got a bit emotional and I think that was a phase where you felt less confident in the way you looked. And that emanated from you. But yeah the lack of certainty in knowing how to style it is when I thought ‘you know what, she doesn’t really know what to do with this hair and so doesn’t feel confident with it.’
H: That’s so sad. And really interesting. So you knew when I didn’t know what I was doing with my hair?
Yeah because you’d ask me a lot more questions, spend more time deliberating and being upset about it. Moaning about the dire state of your wardrobe which is, you know, full of clothes. That’s when I knew you weren’t really sure…
I hope you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read so far. What parts did you enjoy the most? Let me know in the comments.
Part 2 will be out next week! Till then, take care.
Love you guys, Helen x