I want to start off by saying a massive thank you to everyone who read my previous series: How My Husband Honestly Feels about My Natural Hair Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3! I’ve been getting really good feedback and it makes me happy that you’re enjoying my writing. I also want to give a very warm welcome to those of you who are new followers of my blog! For those of you who haven’t yet, you might as well hit that follow button if you’re gonna keep coming back… Go on. You know you want to!
So this post is born out of me celebrating my birthday (I turned twenty-fine on Wednesday, 13th Feb) and a devotional I read about keeping my focus on God rather than myself. Plus, I feel like ‘honesty and openness’ is becoming a bit of a theme for my posts lately and I’ve decided to follow its lead. I’m combining a ‘get to know me x100’ whilst taking the devotional advice and exposing my insecurities as a form of freedom and love.
“When we are willing to expose our weakness sometimes and humble ourselves instead of competing, that is our gift to our sisters. In an image-obsessed culture like ours, that’s what love looks like.’Free of Me: A 7-Day Devotional by Sharon Hodde Miller (YouVersion Bible App)
I’m sure you’ll be able to identify with some of the ridiculous things I sometimes catch myself thinking when really, none of these things matter at all. Let me know which ones you can relate with in the comments section below!
I’m gonna start from the bottom of my body and work my way up, sprinkled with some emotional and mental insecurities in between! Enjoy.
1. My foot bottom is hard, dry and also cracked. Living in the desert with all this sand makes it worse. Most of the time I use Shea Butter just before leaving the house to avoid embarrassment.
2. I have wide feet and normal shoes look questionable on me.
3. My feet die in heels after approximately 4.38 seconds.
4. I have a really strange walk (I get it from my mama).
5. I can’t help being instantly directed to people’s shoes and can’t avoid laughing if I find them funny. But then I feel bad for laughing at someone’s shoes.
6. My thighs have gotten a lot bigger lately and I now understand the term ‘chub rub.’
7. My bum has significantly reduced over the years. Or does it just look that way because my thighs are bigger? Who knows but you know Black girls love their bums.
8. My belly has also enlarged since the age of 26, which exacerbates points 6 and 7.
9. Subsequently, I spend 78% of the time holding in my belly so it looks flatter than it really is because I’m part of Image Gang.
11. Although I want a firm and toned body, I can’t be bothered to take myself to the gym… downstairs.
12. On a trip to Ghana in 2010, I laughed at women who had gorgeous figures but big bellies – stating that they had been eating too much banku and kenkey – and now I’m one of them. Loool.
13. I’m really hairy.
14. I’m still as spotty as a teenager even though I’m circling 30.
15. Since moving to the desert, my lips have become darker. Shout outs to the #blacklipgang.
16. I’m incapable of whispering. This is more of a forced confession than an insecurity because it’s Massimo who really has a problem with it, especially at the cinema.
16. I have a beautiful smile in person but I’m not very photogenic and I cannot pose for the life of me. I’ve even watched a couple of YouTube vids to help…
17. Once, when I was about 10, I used undiluted dettol to get rid of a spot on my face and it burned my whole cheek. I came up with the most elaborate lie that I had fallen out of bed and scraped my face against the wall. Not sure if anyone believed me.
18. I don’t look other people’s husbands/boyfriends in the eye until I’m really comfortable with them. I have no idea why.
19. I used to get my eyebrows threaded in Upton Park for £2. Now that I live in the UAE, I can’t bring myself to pay £10 for a job I know will never be as good as those Pakistani women in Queens Market. So my eyebrows are never done.
20. If I catch people looking at me and talking about me (normally because they’ve never seen a Black person before) I’m really confrontational about it. Even if they can’t speak a word of English.
22. I have a bald patch on my head. It was a major contributor in me growing out my hair because it was noticeable when I was baldheaded.
23. I hate being labelled as the Angry Black Girl (ABG) so I’m still guilty of toning things down until people get to know me. I haven’t mastered being myself straight off the bat so I’m sometimes too nice and then am forced to become the ABG anyway to show people they can’t treat me anyhow.
24. I used to get apartment envy. I would visit friends in their beautiful homes and leave dissatisfied with my own. I’m thankful that this one’s been dealt with, it’s so unhealthy. #LoveYours
25. I’ve only just mastered Ghana Jollof. Fight me.
26. I can still be a people-pleaser.
27. I’m really blunt/upfront/honest but sometimes forget to be compassionate.
28. I’m a different person when I’m tired and have been known to cuss people out who dare to wake me.
29. I’m 29 and I’m still always late. I’ve tried sha. I’m tired.
What are some of your insecurities? Share and be free!
Love you guys, Helen x